Deja Moo:
The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
Litigant:
A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. -Ambrose Bierce
Absurdity:
A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -Ambrose Bierce
Lottery:
A tax on people who are bad at math.
Diplomat:
A person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
The brain:
A wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Quotation:
The art of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Intellectual:
A man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Accident:
A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
Education:
The progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
History:
The short trudge from Adam to atom.
Journalism:
Largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is dead" to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
Puritanism:
The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy
Apathy Error:
Don't bother striking any key.
Apologize:
To lay the foundation for a future offense.
Loop:
See Loop
Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Error Message:
Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for their program's shortcomings.
Hardware and Software:
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
Help:
The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning a damn thing.